Penelope's Official Guide to Being a Writing Assistant (As dictated to Irish Rivers, against her will)

Penelope's Official Guide to Being a Writing Assistant (As dictated to Irish Rivers, against her will)

Meet Nelly. Min Pin. Rescue. Self-appointed Chief of Writing Operations.

She has opinions about my process. Strong ones. And since she can't type them herself — opposable thumbs remain an unsolved problem — I'm doing it for her.

Rule 1: Claim the chair. Penelope has a blanket next to my writing chair. It is hers. I am allowed to write there, but only because she permits it. Some mornings I get up for coffee and return to find her in my spot, sitting upright, staring at me like she's been waiting to have a conversation about my productivity.

She has a point, honestly.

Rule 2: Timing is everything. She has a sixth sense for when I'm actually hitting my stride — when the scene is flowing, the dialogue is clicking, when I'm finally getting somewhere. That's when she strikes. Standing on her back legs, barking once. Loudly. For treats. Not because she's hungry. Because she's the queen and queens get treats.

She's right, of course.

Rule 3: Chaos is a writing tool. She knocked my water bottle off the desk last Tuesday. Watched it fall. Looked at me. Walked away.

This is fine. Everything is fine. 🍀

Rule 4: The zoomies are non-negotiable. There is a window. There is a squirrel situation outside that window that apparently requires her full and immediate attention approximately three times per writing session. No exceptions. No negotiations.

I've started writing around the zoomie schedule. It's going great.

Here's the thing though — she's also the first one to find me when a scene goes sideways. When I close the laptop and stare at the wall because something isn't working, Nelly shows up and puts her ridiculous little face in my lap. No agenda. Just there.

She's a better writing partner than I deserve.

Probably Nothing: A Beautiful Wreckage releases April 10th. Nelly supervised the entire manuscript. Any errors are hers.

Do you write with pets? What's their most endearing — or absolutely unhinged — writing habit? I genuinely want to know. Drop me a line: Irish@irish-rivers.com

Irish Rivers writes memoir, literary fiction, dark fantasy, and romance fantasy from the Gulf Coast of Texas. Her debut novel The HideAway is available now. Her memoir, Probably Nothing: A Beautiful Wreckage, releases April 10, 2026. Find her at irish-rivers.com